Escape to Batangas

Top ten things i am not happy to have:
10. Toe nails
9. a picture of me with Michael Buble (coz every time someone sees it i feel compelled to give
an explanation)
8. "year of the pig" tikoy(sticky rice cake) in the fridge
7. a David Caradine Tai chi work out video
6. a left foot one size bigger that my right foot
5. siblings
4. irresistable good looks
3. weak bladder
2. rusty barbeque grill
1. mother in law

Palos(we have given him the name because he seems to be a big fan of Jake Cuenca), my gender-confused canine, is practically useless as a guard dog. He doesnt even bother to lift up his head from his slumber whenever a stranger is within the vicinity. When asked why we keep him on a leash, our official statement is that the dog is so ferocious that it will lunge at anyone on site. But the real reason is he poops all over the place and pees on all things metal. That's why when we give directions to the pizza guy we just tell him to look for the half-green, half-brown(rusted) gate. The only reason why Palos doesnt end up on our next door neighbor's plate(yes, they love to eat dogs....and cats too) is that he barks on my mother in law whenever she pays us a visit. At least i get a warning so i can pack the essentials and head for the hills.
I am happiest on Thursday nights because Friday is my day-off and the best way to relax after a week of work is to watch the evening news. While a reporter was giving details on how a drunken motorcyclist's brains made the pavement more colorful, i heard the high pitched whiny bark. I suddenly felt envious of my fellow rider who's already in a better place than i was. Half way through the three-hour supper(suffer), my mother in law declared that she will spend the night. As a learned defense mechanism, my mind traveled back to my happy childhood memories to buffer the impact of the terrible, terrible news. By six a.m. the next morning i was already warming up my xrm 125, quite eager to give my wife a ride to the office. After the drop off i was faced with the same question i asked myself when i first held my college diploma, "now what?". I would have been contented to go home and take my daughter for a scooter(ultima whistler 150) ride around the park but what lurked within our guest room kept me from shifting my bike into gear. Again my defense mechanism kicked in and my mind was transported to my childhood days in Batangas. Before i knew it i was already in C5 nearing Bicutan. I made a short stop over in the east service road just before Sucat to get a closer look of my wife's billboard of Nuture Spa in Tagaytay. She is a Psychologist by profession, a spa enthusiast by obession, and a billboard model by coercion. The ride from Alabang to Calamba would have been an ordeal if not for the busty Laguna ladies criss-crossing the congested road. Long stretches in Sto. Tomas and Malvar permitted 100 kph but the zigzag road in San Jose forced a slowdown. Upon reaching Batangas City i went strait to Kipsi Elementary School where my aunt runs a small canteen. As far as i know, it is the only Chinese school in the city and it is also where three generations of the chinese community in Batangas attended primary school. Consequently, a temple was erected within the school compound so businessmen will have a place to negotiate with all sorts of entities to attain peace, potency and profit. Still in my riding gear, i approached Aunt Fe while she was counting money in her cash box. "Anong ulam?"(what's for lunch?) was met by a stern look and a hand in her belt bag(probably reaching for a pepper spray). Only when i took off my helmet did she answered "chicken afritada and chopsuey" with a smile that made her face evident of seven decades of hard work. To promote blood flow to my butt area, i decided to walk around first to take some pictures. Since the trip was unplanned, i only have my camera phone with me. I took pictures quickly, hoping that no one will recognize me because i was known to be the only dumb kid that came out of the Chao klan. To my dismay, one of my old teachers came up to me and said "hey, you're the kid who couldnt hold it in until recess". The thing with school teachers and elephants is that they have good memory. She mentioned "recess" with a whistle. I noticed that she still wears the same hair do and probably the same dentures as well. Instead of "hey, you're the teacher who needs both hands to brush her teeth", my reply was "hi ma'am, nice to see you again". While i was enjoying my lunch with my full set of teeth, the heavens darkened and it rained hard soon after. By the time i was washing down my meal with a soda the sky already cleared up. I loosened my belt, warmed up my bike then rode off hoping that the dark cloud which hovered at home had already passed.

Chocolate Falls

My daughter just turned two but she is so precocious that sometimes I tend to have high expectations on her. One time I let her run around our community park thinking that it would help her develop healthy lungs. Gabrielle is strong and nimble but her balancing skills is yet no match for the uneven ground. She fell and scraped her knee raw. It was her first “boo-boo” and the look on her face was someone who was betrayed. I was guilt-stricken while I carry the little thumb sucking angel home. I realized that even though she bosses us around for spite, my daughter is still a baby after all.
I had a similar realization while I was riding my beloved Honda XRM 125 on a roller coaster road going to Tanay, Rizal. I was so excited to put the “dual sport” claim to the test and from what I’ve gathered; the Antipolo-Teresa route would do nicely. I finally found the perfect excuse to take the trip when I was tasked to find a baptism spot for my sis-in-law’s Belgian boyfriend who will be converting to our religion. I was thinking along the lines of “near” and “natural body of water”. Europeans have a reputation that is olfactory in nature but even the Hinulugang Taktak falls in Antipolo would be too much for my soon to be brother in law. Hence, I set out for Daranak falls in Tanay for an ocular inspection. My bike performed well on the twisties (as some forumers call it), but not as well as on the upward slopes. Maybe I was accustomed to my 150cc scooter (which I ride to work daily) or maybe my ass was too heavy for the little iron stallion. I’m allergic to exhaust fumes from ten-wheeler trucks (especially when the truck is going uphill, squish!) so my tendency is to over take even on tight spots. The pick up and acceleration is a bit wanting but enough to get you to places most sedan drivers couldn’t. But be it ever so reliable, my ride is a moped (underbone) after all.
While I was en route the cliché “so near yet so far” came to mind. I was only half an hour away from my humble abode in Cainta but the scenery was a million miles different. Instead of the dilapidated Ever Ortigas mall, I saw the Laguna lake gleaming like a giant silver plate. The shower of leaves on a Morong highway made me think of the warm welcome given to the great biblical character when He came into town riding on a lowly donkey instead of a noble steed. Maybe the donkey was the XRM of that era (anything to glorify my bike). From the main road, a five-minute ride thru a gravel path will take you to the ticket booth of Daranak falls. The old man in the booth was having brunch so he gave me a swim now pay later deal. Other than gushing water and rustling leaves you will hear nothing else. Maybe it was my out-of-the-bed hair do (helmet head) and my tangerine riding jacket, but my reaction when I saw the beauty of the falls probably made me looked like a clueless Korean. It was too cold to take a swim so after taking some pictures I went up stream to see Batlag Falls, which is also within the vicinity. After working up a sweat hiking uphill, the cool waters became more inviting. I left my board shorts in my U-box and modesty forbids skinny-dipping. I have only one option left. Good thing “manong” didn’t mind getting paid with a wet twenty-peso bill.